✞ Mascara and Wide Eyes ✞

We let ourselves go from what we believe is right through the spiral of belief that other people will determine our happiness.
I gave up dreams for you but never once did I expect the same in return.
An entire week later, I am left with nothing to have in return from the past.
I debated and believed that perhaps it all will be better in time, I was wrong.
Reality made me wrong.
I walk alone more days than with someone by my side.
This sweet home I have made, I am backing down and getting on with life faster.
The coffee and cigarettes inside my brain is telling the kids around me that it is all the animal of the consumer world wants from us.
Advertisements have proven me wrong with the idea of beauty, but we all know that the two steps we take will lead us back to being ten days ago.
Nothing mattered in this charmed life before, the next generation is as stuck as I am.
I dream to sail away from these problems, but that is as risky as hope.  
Another disaster I have to leave behind me.  

Prone to mistakes and a misguided idea of reality.
Living a life when we never know what is next.
Yesterday was a beautiful day, and today was great.
Tomorrow I pray for our safety as I read your letters in a mistrusted moment.
Scared that I am holding you back, but I know I am wrong.
Without the right or the means to do so, I am walking away from the only comfort I have had in the past year and a half.
Whatever this was, it cannot exist anymore.
I have to let you go so I can finally understand who I am.
Fighting fire in a distinct universe, this is a dark nights moment of weakness.
The Red Line I hear every seven minutes but it never sounds the same.
The lake at night creates a spark inside my mind.
Here and now, I have learned that I am finally understanding that I am doing something right whether it seems wrong.
If I am making my father and mother proud, than that is all that matters.  

I cannot handle the thought of not having you around anymore.
I also cannot handle the thought of me never saying the truth to you. 

I play the scenario out in my head all the time. 

You leaving for a city down south and me being left in the dust of Chicago while you’re flying high above to have a new start.

I cannot find someone else to be you in my life.
I have tried to get past this phase but it always comes full circle back at me.

“Please don’t fall in love when you’re gone.”

Plain and simple.

I do not know if what I feel is love for you.
But I know that I cannot handle the thoughts of you being with another person in the year we are apart. 

I dream to be enough for you, but I am not and that is ok.
I pray for your safety, but want to be held in your warm embrace.
I believe in the future and that we will be together again, but I know that may not be the case.
I know that it is wrong for me to hold on to endless hope and want, but I know there is someone out there who is feeling the same way.
I wait for acceptance and for someone to understand me, but little did I know he was right in front of me.
I see his friendly smile and can feel his warm embrace, but I know I am too scared to be without our friendship in the future.
I will never admit these feelings, but the truth is I have fallen in love with you.
I am too scared to admit the truth, but that is how it will always be. 

We build walls to trap ourselves from the outside world. We knew in the run of the mill we would be hurt regardless to what our parents have taught us. So here we are, fighting fire each day as they arrive. We are the biggest sinners and the weakest at the end of each race.

Through these sins we are capturing sunlight on a cloudy day and dodging the freight train that has no breaks. I have been fooled too many times to believe in this reality. I have been fooled too many times to understand that life is all about debt to others but most importantly ourselves. I am the weakest link, but we are just beginning to understand so. 

I have tripped and fallen into the sun.
There is a constant reminder that I am no longer apart of God’s grace.
Fighting words and a hidden agenda, alone I am and alone I will be.
Rejoice evermore as the day is done and the fog has set upon us.
In the future the distance will be shorter and the lines we dream to hear will be heard from the rooftops above us.
Ants marching on the city streets, we are nothing more than a mislead light on Wabash Street.  

Blinded when I see you but the past is the past, and as time has passed we are left being known for what we did but not who we were.
Giving up, all we need is someone to take the time to be there and understand.
Always high on life, falling back to earth and understanding that the luck we once had has no longer left us golden.
Fighting words and a misconception of what we want to see in the distant future.
When I see you, I am no longer staring down the sun.
The heat is faded with the days sunlight.
Hiding in different cities, these fighting words are no longer the essence inside our approving looks.
Wanting to put our hands on each other, we have lost our minds within the chase we play after another.
The raves and knowing what is on our minds, we have seen one another change and have learned we are no good for each other.
Falling into places that we seem to never fit in, afflicted with pain but addicted to the outcome.
Ruby red inside our mouths, it is taking more than a fight to change us.
Tortured with the flaws inside of these calls, we want to go but we don’t care for others.
Changing scenery within the addiction in our blood.
Truth inside our words, you have continually failed me but I am no longer in the need to find the idea of happiness.
Alone and twisted, my spine aches with the pain it is presenting.

We are young in the spring time sun.
Blue in the sky, no one wants to buy the dirty gun.
Unloaded and never had been fired, trace these prints because they have to give you more than me.
I will rest my sanity as I wait for your arrival.
Trying too hard but constantly falling a step too short.
Buried underneath the pavement we stand on.
Let us travel to the sun, the moon, and the stars.
It has never been right, but it has become a gift in time. 

Light me up again, checking on what we have missed.
We do not know where to begin but the chemicals make it all better now.
A dead city, a wrecking kingdom falling down through the worlds peace.
This bad company inside my mind, the last chance to be the villain of the world.
Starting it all to be failed in the future.
Danger inside these fast hearts.
By saying that when this ends and we graduate this phase, I want to keep forgetting you and no longer be considered trouble.
This summer town is being reunited and it is slowly turning into the car engine being turned on.  
But now I know I will still go the distance for your happiness instead of my own.  

We call people out as our words are getting lost in the tune of the world.
Taking what we say and every line is becoming the same.
Over and over again we are destructed.
The looks inside of our eyes, the words are the reasons we are breaking them all down.
This is all that we have become to face this generation alone.
But we wish for the simple pleasure of time.
Oh I wish I had a boyfriend, the idea of a loving man who would be by my side.
We are slowly changing the idea of what we want because we are becoming fucked in the head.
A new start and no words from the past changing the future.
Prepared to die young, taking the pain inside of our hearts to be a brand new idea.
Crossing paths, these city sidewalks are not as wide as they should be.
The bump of a shoulder, my day is long lost with the idea of gaining a sense of life’s lust.
Roses and rainbows, showing through the grey sky. 
Slowly, I am standing corrected.  

I want to get my hands on the fight inside my mind.
You know how I spend my time.
Losing my mind through all these streets inside the reality I see fit. 
Chasing after the idea of being in a London rave.
Never being good for another though the wounded devil marching inside this summer town has taken us down one by one. 
Addicted to the sparks, they’re flying and we are sailing to trouble.
It has always been this way through torture, taking the Lucky Park Road of life and forgetting that we are addicted to the way we were raised. 

If we write how we feel then we are going to believe that we can succeed at getting better.
I used to believe in many feelings inside myself, although now I am left unsure as to where we are going to from here.
I cannot make the effort without dreading the disappointment in the future.
Keeping our words, but what they mean tomorrow is just a mystery.
The hotel in front of my building, our word has no worth anymore.
Truthfully, we are as weak as our worst enemy.
Here is to our support for the weekend. 

Giving back our pieces to make the suggested change.
Feeling full of happiness but stuck on the feeling of being forgettable.
Truth inside our minds but foreseeing destiny on the page ahead.
I take back all my flaws and I will admit that I am a gallery of a broken heart.
Learning that our souls are as weakened as the past moment we have lived in.
Stone faced and tripping on the world.  
I dream of success and you’re the only one I want standing next to me with that stupid smile on your face.  
We are floating at the bottom of the sea in our rain gear on a new day.  

Drifting softly, other people may believe it is wrong but all I want is your hand in mine.
Simple and to the point, I rush to be better for you.
The next twenty nine days are going to be hard and full of pressure, but I am fixing myself.
No longer stuck in the web of the world but rather stuck inside my mental images that have me self destructive.

I will always be there when you wake.
Stay with me and we can have it made.
Distant dreams in a world we don’t understand.
Sleeping too late and complaining that the sun is in our eyes.
Ripping through life, the grind of our world.
Back at the starting point but escaping madness inside ourselves.